I spend a lot of time in my bedroom, I get that honestly from my birth mother, my sister does it too. it just seems like "my" space with my vibes and energy. I hate when people {except my hubby} come piling in my bed which everyone loves.
I live in the woods, i took a walk the other day down to the creek or as i pronounce it [crick] it has rained enough lately that it had small water falls...was peaceful back there, i need to do that more often. I love nature, nature is God to me. I love earthing, bare feet on the earth taking in the energy, i love diggin in the dirt with bare hands to plant things, I get amazed how you plant something and it grows and gives back so much pleasure whether it be beauty or food or medicine....
I can be in such a good mood and something stressful happens and snap my mood is gone and im hateful and feel like my skin is crawling and i just want everyone to stay away. I had a job about a year ago and it was perfect for me, i was treated like i was normal i could handle the people , then it got to where i was working all the time over time, it was spose to be a part time job and became my life. I was having "attitude problem" as he put it and fired me. I never called in sick. i worked my ass for them and customers liked me. this was discriminating due to the fact he never offered me anything to help me get my shit together like cut hours ..etc... it crushed me. i thought i was part of their family, they would always help me out with food and such , i thought i was liked but they say i use my mental illness to get away with everything and I still dont know what i was trying to get away with when the whole problem in the first place was me not being able to "fake" a smile or happy mood. when you are bipolar, borderline personality disorder, sometimes i take on way too much neg energy of those around me and then i become hardened and distant and dont feel like smiling....and that is why i was fired.....because i had a couple bad moody weeks and he couldnt handle it or just didnt care, at least i showed up. i wish i wish i wish that i could be understood better....my best friend of over 40 yrs dont get it either. My husband if very supportive as in my brother and sister thank goodness....i need a therapist very badly, someone that knows how the brain works....my reg doctor, or nurse practitioner Ann is it for me but she does not know as much about mental illness...she did find my heart prob and probably saved my life thank god. ok enought rambling on im sleepy my brain wears me out....as does my meds....ugh......later
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